(I’ve never done a movie review, so don’t expect anything fancy… I just thought this was worth saying)

Netflix delivered the much-hyped http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0329774/ XXX: State of the Union today, and being the eager beaver, I popped it in for a look. I have to say, I was anticipating something good; I had mentioned at some point that I thought the original XXX was pretty good – and was quickly told by several folks that XXX: SOTU was far superior to the original.

I now believe those opinions were entirely based on some sort of misguided loyalty to one “Ice Cube”.

XXX: SOTU sucked. Badly. It was no comparison even to the marginally good original. But please, allow me to explain:

In the original, there were a lot of over-the-edge stunts that seemed implausible at best; obviously staged though they were, they were all performed by real stuntmen, and in fact were very fun and exciting to watch. In fact, the movie played up the stunts as the antics of the star, Xander Kane (XXX), providing a reason to believe they might actually occur. In SOTU, there were a lot of implausible, illogical, and impossible stunts that were performed by completely unbelievable engineers using all the latest in computer generated imagery. These were added for the simple reason of trying to fluff up a lousy movie with a low-cost alternative to actual acting.

In the original, a barely conceivable anarchist group had fairly unbelievable (albeit slightly plausible) plans to use a biological weapon to destroy throw the world into anarchy. In SOTU a completely unbelievable Secretary of Defense uses equally unbelievable loyalties among his former Marine division (somehow mixed in with Navy Seals) to execute a military coup in an attempt to take over the United States government.

In the original, a few government security agencies were represented – mostly made up. A level of “suspension of disbelief” was possible, since there was little to nothing in the real world with which to compare. In SOTU, the agencies involved were largely military and high-level government. Anyone with a basic understanding of the military (specifically the USMC) should have recognized the piss poor representation for what it was… bad writing. Since this was the point that made me want to write something about it, allow me to elaborate:

“X” (Ice Cube), a former Navy Seal, met an old teammate of his, a Marine Sergeant. Oops – Seals and Marines don’t combine forces except on large scale, very specific, very rare missions. “X” makes a statement to the effect that the Sergeant was “still too stupid to get promoted to Captain”. Yeah, enlisted men are often promoted to the officer ranks… right.

An aircraft carrier in Northern Virginia was being loaded with a Marine Division and its equipment from Camp Pendleton in preparation for the invasion of Washington DC. Let’s consider for a moment that all that equipment would leave California on either trains or supply ships. Either way, it would take considerable time to load up and move (a period not allowed for in the context of the movie) – and once arrived, there would be no reason to then load it onto a ship (least of all an aircraft carrier), to move it the last few miles to DC. I won’t even go into the complete ignorance and incompetence of the tank vs. tank firefight that took place in the cargo hold.

Finally, there’s the little issue of a bunch of gang bangers in DC souping up their hotrods and successfully assaulting the capitol, which was being guarded by that same Marine Division. For one, there was no sign of the capitol police nor the secret service – all of whom are always the first line of defense for the President and his cabinet. For another… c’mon – the Marines were shown as a completely ineffectual, inept force that was completely overpowered by street punks in SUVs. To call this an insult to Marines would be granting it too much dignity.

Bottom line, the movie was piss poor. The plot sucked, the acting sucked, the effects sucked. Ice Cube had a few good scenes (the prison break, the boat ramp up onto the bridge, a few fight scenes), but when he’s required to speak and interact with others, his limited vocabulary and even more limited acting skills glare through. Of course, that could be the fault of the writer and director, but somehow it had the feel of a joint effort. If you’re only interested in a few flashy effects and some inane desire to watch Ice Cube beat up some Marines, then have at it… but if you’re expecting SOTU to compare or exceed the original, you’re in for a severe disappointment.